Does Rest Make You Anxious? Understanding Relaxation-Induced Anxiety and Why Slowing Down Feels Unsafe

Slowing down sounds simple, until your body reacts in ways you didn’t expect.

If rest makes you uneasy, you are not alone. I hear this all the time in my therapy practice. Women sit across from me and say things like, "I finally have a quiet moment and my chest tightens," or "Relaxing stresses me out," or "I know I need rest, but I can't."

This experience has a name: relaxation-induced anxiety. And it is far more common than people realize.

As an LCSW and EMDR therapist, I want to say this clearly. If slowing down feels anxiety-inducing, there is a reason for it. Your nervous system learned something important along the way—that rest stopped feeling safe and doing became survival.

Let's talk about why this happens and what actually helps.

Why Rest Feels Unsafe for Over-Functioners

Many of the women I work with are high-functioning. Capable. Reliable. The ones others lean on. On the outside, they look calm and successful. On the inside, they feel like they are always bracing for something.

When you live in a constant state of responsibility, your system adapts. Movement feels normal. Productivity feels regulating. Being needed feels grounding, even when you are exhausted.

So when you finally stop, your body does not sigh with relief. Instead, it panics.

This is relaxation-induced anxiety. The moment you try to rest, your nervous system sounds the alarm. Thoughts race. Your heart beats faster. You feel restless, irritable, or even shaky. That relaxed feeling everyone talks about feels completely out of reach.

I often hear, "I want to feel relaxed, but the second I slow down, I feel worse." Or, "I can't relax because my brain won't shut off." Or simply, "I can't relax at all."

This is not because rest is wrong for you. It is because your body learned that slowing down was not safe at some point.

For many people, relaxation-induced anxiety develops after years of emotional overload, unprocessed stress, or trauma. When you had to stay alert to get through your days, feeling relaxed was not an option. Over time, your system learned that being on edge kept you safe.

What Happens When You Keep “Doing” Instead of Resting

Doing gives your anxious energy somewhere to go. Crossing things off a list can feel calming. Helping others can quiet your own discomfort. Staying productive can keep harder feelings out of reach—for a while.

But over time, this constant doing comes at a cost.

When rest is avoided, your nervous system never gets a true reset. You may feel tired but wired. You may feel numb and disconnected from things that used to bring joy. You may feel irritable, foggy, or emotionally flat.

This is often when people tell me, "I want to relax, but I don't know how," or "I feel like I should feel relaxed, but I don't."

Avoiding rest does not eliminate anxiety. It just keeps it moving.

Eventually, your body demands a pause. And when it finally gets one, the anxiety rushes in. This is another layer of relaxation-induced anxiety—the moment your system is no longer distracted, everything it has been holding back tries to surface.

That can feel overwhelming and confusing.

If you are noticing signs of burnout and wondering why rest feels so hard, you might find this post about burnout helpful.

Therapy Helps You Re-Learn What Rest Feels Like

One of the biggest myths about rest is that you should just know how to do it. That if you try harder, you will suddenly feel relaxed.

That is not how nervous systems work.

If your body associates slowing down with danger, it needs new experiences—not more pressure.

In therapy, especially trauma-informed work like EMDR, we do not force relaxation. We work with your system, not against it. We help your body learn, slowly and gently, that rest can exist without something bad happening.

This is how relaxation-induced anxiety begins to soften. Not by pushing yourself to feel relaxed, but by increasing your capacity to tolerate stillness.

Sometimes this means starting with movement-based regulation. Sometimes it means grounding through the senses. Sometimes it means working directly with memories or patterns that taught your body to stay alert.

As an EMDR therapist, I often see shifts when people realize their inability to relax is not a flaw—it is a protective response that once made sense.

When that understanding lands, something changes. The shame eases. Curiosity replaces frustration. And the idea of rest starts to feel less threatening.

If you are curious about how trauma lives in the body and why calming yourself down can feel so hard, I explore that more deeply here. 

Practical Tools to Enter Rest More Gently

If traditional relaxation makes you anxious, stop trying to force it. Seriously—this is where many people get stuck.

Instead of aiming to feel relaxed, aim to feel a little less activated.

Here are some gentler ways to work with relaxation-induced anxiety:

• Start with partial rest. This might look like sitting on the couch while still listening to music or folding laundry. Full stillness can come later.

• Lower the bar for rest. Rest does not have to mean lying down or meditating. It can mean stepping outside for fresh air or stretching for two minutes.

• Anchor yourself in the present. Notice physical sensations that feel neutral or pleasant—your feet on the floor, the warmth of a mug, the sound of a fan.

• Let movement lead to rest. Walking, gentle rocking, or slow stretching can help your body discharge energy so slowing down feels safer.

• Name what is happening. Saying, "This is relaxation-induced anxiety," can be incredibly grounding. It reminds your brain that nothing is wrong.

The goal is not to suddenly feel relaxed. The goal is to build trust with your nervous system—to show it that slowing down does not mean danger.

Over time, the relaxed feeling becomes more accessible. Not all at once, but in small moments.

If perfectionism and self-pressure make slowing down feel impossible, this post about releasing inner pressure might resonate.

Creating a Rest-Friendly Environment

Your environment matters more than you think.

If your space is filled with reminders of what you should be doing, rest will always feel like an interruption.

Creating a rest-friendly environment does not mean a total overhaul. It means small cues that signal safety: soft lighting instead of harsh overhead lights, a chair that supports your body, a blanket you actually like, silence or predictable sound.

Consistency helps too. Rest feels safer when it is expected—when it becomes part of your routine rather than something you only allow when you are completely depleted.

For people who experience relaxation-induced anxiety, predictability is calming. It tells your system, "This pause is on purpose."

Over time, your body begins to associate these cues with safety instead of threat. And feeling relaxed stops feeling so foreign.

Making Rest Part of Your Story, Not the Exception

If you have spent years believing you have to earn rest, this work can feel emotional. Letting go of constant doing can bring up grief, fear, or resistance.

That is normal.

Rest is not just a behavior. It is a relationship with yourself.

When you begin to see rest as something you are allowed to have—not something you have to justify—something shifts. You stop fighting your need for pause. You stop asking, "Why can't I relax?" and start asking, "What does my body need right now?"

This is how relaxation-induced anxiety loses its grip. Not by eliminating anxiety, but by expanding your capacity to slow down without fear.

You are not failing at rest. Your nervous system is asking for patience, not pressure.

And with the right support, feeling relaxed can become something you experience more often—gently, gradually, in a way that actually lasts.

If relaxation induced anxiety feels familiar and you are tired of doing this alone, therapy can help you build safety with slowing down. I support clients in New York and Massachusetts who want rest to feel possible again, not anxiety inducing. Reach out when you’re ready, I’d be happy to support you.

Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice or mental health care. The content reflects general knowledge and opinion, not personalized treatment. Reading this blog does not create a therapeutic relationship. Please consult a licensed professional for support.

Jennifer Budhan, LCSW - New York & Massachusetts EMDR Therapist

Jennifer Budhan is a licensed therapist specializing in helping women who feel stuck in cycles of overextending themselves, always doing, always striving, yet still feeling like it's never enough. Through a warm and collaborative approach, she supports clients in slowing down, reconnecting with themselves, and healing the deeper patterns that keep them feeling invisible, disconnected, or emotionally drained. She offers EMDR and DBR therapy in New York and Massachusetts, with in-person sessions in Brooklyn and virtual options available across both states. Her work is rooted in the belief that healing is possible and that you don’t have to keep carrying it all alone.

If you're curious about working together, you can learn more about her approach or book a free 15-minute intro call to see if it feels like a good fit.