How to Overcome Perfectionism: Permitting Yourself to Be Human
What if your worth wasn’t tied to how much you achieve?
You hold it together for everyone. The deadlines get met, the house is clean, the kids are cared for, the job gets done. From the outside, it might even look like you have it all figured out. But on the inside? You’re exhausted. You feel like you’re constantly falling short of an invisible standard you can never quite reach.
This is the quiet struggle of perfectionism. It’s not just about wanting to do a good job, it’s about believing that your worth depends on how well you perform. And that’s an impossible weight to carry.
If you’ve been trying to “fix” your perfectionism by working harder or being more disciplined, you already know that approach doesn’t work. The good news? There is another way.
Before I share more, hi—I’m Jennifer, the therapist behind Soulful Flow Counseling. I offer both virtual and in-person therapy for women in New York and Massachusetts. I specialize in supporting high-achieving women who are navigating burnout, anxiety, and self-doubt—and I see firsthand how perfectionism can quietly take over your life.
If you’re ready to build a more compassionate, grounded relationship with yourself, explore my therapy services or reach out here to schedule a consultation.
In this post, we’ll explore how to overcome perfectionism and why allowing yourself to be human can be one of the most liberating things you’ll ever do.
Always Holding It Together? You Might Be Striving for an Impossible Standard
Do you ever feel like you can’t let yourself drop the ball, even for a moment? Perfectionism often shows up as a need to keep every area of your life perfectly managed at all times.
This can look like:
Double- and triple-checking your work to make sure there are no mistakes
Taking on more responsibility than is realistic, because you don’t want to burden others
Avoiding situations where you might fail or be seen as “less than”
Feeling like you can’t ask for help, because that would mean you’re weak or incapable
The problem is, life is unpredictable. There will always be moments when things don’t go as planned. When your self-worth is tied to how flawlessly you can hold it all together, even small missteps can feel devastating. That’s why learning how to overcome perfectionism can help improve your overall well-being.
Perfectionism Isn’t Just About Being “Type A”
It’s easy to assume perfectionism is simply a personality trait—something only “Type A” people deal with. But in reality, perfectionism is more complex than that.
Perfectionism often develops as a way to protect ourselves. Maybe you grew up in an environment where mistakes weren’t tolerated, or where love and approval felt conditional. Striving for perfection may have helped you feel safe or accepted at one point in your life.
It can also be a response to trauma or uncertainty. If you experienced chaos or unpredictability growing up, being “perfect” might have felt like the one thing you could control.
Understanding the roots of it is an important step toward learning how to overcome perfectionism. It helps you see that this pattern didn’t come out of nowhere. It was a strategy your nervous system developed to help you survive. And now, as an adult, you get to choose a different way.
The Emotional Toll of Never Feeling Allowed to Mess Up
Perfectionism doesn’t just make you work harder, it takes a heavy emotional toll.
When you hold yourself to impossible standards, you may feel like you can never truly relax. There’s always something you could be doing better. And when you inevitably fall short of those standards, shame and self-criticism can creep in.
Over time, this can lead to:
Chronic anxiety, because you’re constantly anticipating the next mistake
Burnout, from trying to do it all without ever slowing down
Difficulty connecting with others, because vulnerability feels too risky
A deep sense of unworthiness, as though who you are is never enough
The saddest part? Perfectionism robs you of joy. It’s hard to celebrate successes or savor the present moment when you’re always focused on what could go wrong next.
Why Learning How to Overcome Perfectionism Feels So Scary (But So Necessary)
If perfectionism is so exhausting, why is it so hard to let go of?
For many people, perfectionism is linked to a fear of rejection. If you’ve learned that mistakes lead to criticism, punishment, or abandonment, allowing yourself to be imperfect can feel dangerous. Your nervous system may interpret even small failures as a threat to your safety.
There’s also the myth that perfectionism is what drives your success. You might believe that if you stop pushing yourself so hard, you’ll lose your edge or disappoint the people who depend on you.
But here’s the truth: perfectionism doesn’t actually protect you. It keeps you stuck. It convinces you that you have to earn your worth by performing at a superhuman level, and it leaves no room for rest, connection, or joy.
Letting go of perfectionism can feel scary at first because it requires trusting that you are enough, even when you make mistakes. But it’s also the key to building a life that feels balanced and fulfilling.
How Therapy Helps You Build Safety Around Imperfection
One of the most powerful parts of therapy is learning that it’s safe to be imperfect. You can bring your full, unfiltered self into the room (including the parts of you that feel messy or “too much”) and still be accepted.
In therapy, you can:
Explore the origins of your perfectionism. Understanding where this pattern came from can help you approach it with compassion instead of judgment.
Challenge the beliefs that fuel perfectionism. A therapist can help you notice when you’re equating mistakes with failure and guide you toward more balanced thinking.
Build tolerance for discomfort. It’s normal to feel anxious when you start letting go of control. Therapy gives you a safe space to practice sitting with that discomfort instead of avoiding it.
Develop new coping strategies. Perfectionism often masks deeper feelings of fear or shame. Therapy can help you address those emotions directly instead of trying to outrun them.
When you have the support of a therapist, you don’t have to face those fears alone. You can take small, intentional steps toward imperfection, knowing someone is there to guide you.
What You Gain When You Allow Yourself to Be Human
Learning how to overcome perfectionism doesn’t mean you stop caring or lower your standards. It simply means you stop equating your worth with your achievements.
When you give yourself permission to be human, you may notice that:
You feel lighter and more at ease in your daily life
Your relationships deepen because you’re able to show up authentically
You experience less anxiety and burnout
You’re able to take healthy risks because you’re no longer paralyzed by fear of failure
You rediscover joy in the things you do, because they’re no longer fueled by pressure
This shift doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of unlearning old patterns and practicing new ways of relating to yourself. But every small step you take brings you closer to the life you want. The one where you feel worthy simply because you exist, not because you’ve met an impossible standard.
How to Overcome Perfectionism
Perfectionism can feel like a constant, relentless voice telling you you’re not enough. But you don’t have to keep living that way.
Therapy can help you quiet that voice and reconnect with your inherent worth. Soulful Flow Counseling offers compassionate therapy for women in New York and Massachusetts. If you’re ready to start building a kinder relationship with yourself, reach out today to schedule a consultation.
You deserve to be human. You deserve to feel free.
Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice or mental health care. The content reflects general knowledge and opinion, not personalized treatment. Reading this blog does not create a therapeutic relationship. Please consult a licensed professional for support.
