Internal Family Systems Explained: How Parts Work Helps You Overcome Shame Keeping You Stuck
IFS therapy helps you heal shame and inner conflict by understanding the parts that protect you.
Have you ever noticed how one part of you feels confident and capable while another part secretly doubts everything you do? Or maybe there’s a part that pushes you to succeed no matter the cost, and another that just wants to rest, but never feels like it can. These “different parts” aren’t a sign that something’s wrong with you. They’re simply the natural way your mind has learned to protect you.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy (often called “parts work”) offers a compassionate, effective way to understand these inner voices, heal the pain they carry, and move through the shame that keeps you feeling stuck.
At its heart, IFS helps you remember that you are not broken. You are whole, and your parts are simply waiting to be understood.
At Soulful Flow Counseling we’re here to help you understand more so you can decide if it’s a good fit for you. Book a free intro call today to find out more about your options.
What Is Parts Work?
Internal Family Systems is a form of therapy developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz that views the mind as made up of many “parts,” each with its own emotions, beliefs, and motivations.
You can also think of it like an inner family. Some parts take on strong leadership roles, some work quietly in the background, and some carry heavy emotional burdens.
At the center of all these parts is something deeper: your Self. This is the calm, compassionate, wise presence that is always within you, even when it feels far away. The goal of IFS isn’t to get rid of any parts, it’s to help them trust your Self enough to relax, so you can live from a place of clarity instead of conflict.
Parts develop for good reasons. For example:
The perfectionist part may have learned to work hard to keep you safe from criticism.
The self-doubting part might have developed after early experiences of rejection.
The people-pleasing part could be trying to protect you from losing connection with others.
When you meet your parts with curiosity instead of judgment, you create space for real healing.
Why Shame Keeps You Stuck
Shame is one of the most powerful and most paralyzing emotions humans can feel. It’s that sinking, heavy sense that you’re “not enough” or “too much” no matter what you do.
Shame shapes behavior in ways that can be hard to see at first:
You might overwork to “prove” your worth.
You might avoid speaking up for fear of looking foolish.
You might say “yes” to things you don’t want to do to avoid letting people down.
Shame often traps people in cycles that feel impossible to break. You may intellectually know you’re doing your best, but a deeper part still whispers that you’re failing, or worse, that you are a failure.
In IFS, shame is often carried by “exiled” parts, which are parts that hold painful memories or beliefs you’ve tried to push away. Other parts step in to manage that shame, sometimes through perfectionism, addiction, or self-criticism. These protective strategies may have worked once, but over time, they keep you locked in emotional exhaustion.
How IFS Helps
Internal Family Systems offers a clear, compassionate path to work with shame and the parts of you that carry it. While the process is unique to each person, it often follows these steps:
Naming the Parts: You start by noticing and identifying different parts of yourself. You might say, “I have a part that’s really anxious about making mistakes,” or “I have a part that shuts down when someone criticizes me.”
Understanding Their Roles: Through curiosity, you learn why each part behaves the way it does. That anxious part might be working hard to prevent you from feeling the same humiliation you felt in middle school. That shutdown part might be protecting you from overwhelming conflict.
Connecting with Your Self: As you build trust between your parts and your Self, you can approach each one with compassion rather than judgment. You become less reactive and more able to respond from a grounded place.
Releasing Shame: When parts feel truly seen and understood, they can let go of the painful burdens they’ve been carrying. That’s when shame starts to loosen its grip, making room for self-worth, confidence, and ease.
What to Expect in a Session
An Internal Family Systems session is often gentler and more collaborative than people expect. You won’t be “analyzed” in a cold, clinical way. Instead, IFS is more like a guided conversation with your inner world.
You and your therapist will slow down together, notice what’s happening in your body and mind, and identify which parts are present. You’ll be invited to get curious about them. Almost like meeting new friends, even if they’ve been with you for years.
You are always in charge of the pace. Your therapist’s role is to help you stay connected to your Self so you can safely hear from your parts, even the ones carrying the heaviest emotions.
At Soulful Flow Counseling, we’d love to support you in building this connection with your parts—gently, at your own pace.
Who It Helps
IFS can be deeply supportive for anyone, but it’s especially powerful if you’re dealing with:
Trauma or painful past experiences
Chronic shame or self-criticism
Perfectionism and burnout
People-pleasing and lack of boundaries
Anxiety or depression connected to past wounds
If you’ve ever felt like you’re “too much” or “not enough,” or like you keep repeating the same patterns despite your best efforts, IFS can offer a new way forward.
How to Begin
You don’t have to have it all figured out to start. Here’s a few steps you can take right now:
Find a therapist trained in Internal Family Systems
If you’re in New York or Massachusetts, I offer virtual IFS therapy, as well as in-person sessions in Brooklyn.Start a parts-focused journal
When you notice strong emotions or behaviors, write them down as if they’re voices speaking. “Part of me feels…” can be a powerful opening.Explore resources
Books like No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz can give you a gentle introduction to IFS principles.
Starting small can make the process feel less overwhelming and each step is progress toward more self-connection and less shame.
You Were Never Broken—Your Parts Just Need Care
So many women come to our therapy sessions thinking they need to “fix” themselves, when in reality, they simply need to hear from (and heal) parts of themselves that have been misunderstood or ignored.
Internal Family Systems helps you step out of shame and into wholeness. Not by silencing your parts but by listening to them. Every part of you developed to protect you, and each one deserves to be met with compassion.
You are not too much. You are enough. You are a whole, complex, beautifully human self—with parts that, once understood, can work together to create the life you’ve been longing for.
If you’re looking to start your journey toward finding your more confident, balanced self, we’d love to be right there with you. Contact us today to learn more about how we can help at Soulful Flow Counseling.
Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice or mental health care. The content reflects general knowledge and opinion, not personalized treatment. Reading this blog does not create a therapeutic relationship. Please consult a licensed professional for support.
