Always Taking On Others’ Emotions? Here’s How to Set Emotional Boundaries and Let Go

Feel drained by others’ emotions? Learn how to set emotional boundaries with care.

If you’re constantly carrying the emotional weight of others—feeling drained after every conversation, worrying about people’s moods, or adjusting your behavior to “keep the peace”—you’re not alone. So many high-achieving, deeply empathic women do this without even realizing it.

Maybe it looks like offering support to a friend even when you’re running on fumes. Or bracing for someone’s reaction in a meeting and changing your tone so they won’t feel uncomfortable. Or taking responsibility for everyone else’s feelings at the expense of your own.

I’m Jennifer, a therapist and founder of Soulful Flow Counseling, where I help women virtually in New York and Massachusetts and in person in Brooklyn, move from emotional overwhelm to self-trust and inner steadiness. I work with clients who are used to holding it all together for everyone else—but are ready to come back to themselves.

If you’re feeling the weight of constantly tending to others, I’d love to support you. Explore my therapy services or reach out to schedule a consultation when you’re ready.

This invisible labor has a cost. And if you’re wondering how to finally stop absorbing everything and start feeling more grounded in yourself, the answer lies in learning how to set emotional boundaries.

In this post, we’ll explore why emotional over attunement happens, how it impacts your well-being, and how therapy can help you reclaim your energy by staying with yourself.

Always Reading the Room? You Might Be Emotionally Over Attuned

If you’re always scanning the room to gauge how everyone else is feeling, adjusting your tone or expressions based on someone else’s mood, or trying to “fix” discomfort the moment it arises, you might be emotionally over attuned.

While this sensitivity may feel like part of your personality, it often starts as a survival strategy.

If you grew up in a household where emotions were unpredictable or where love and safety felt conditional, being hyperaware of others' feelings may have helped you stay safe. You learned to anticipate what others needed or expected, and how to minimize conflict before it started.

That level of attunement was adaptive. As a child without power, you did what you had to do to feel secure. But now, as an adult with agency and choices, this same pattern may be holding you back.

You don’t have to keep molding yourself to keep others comfortable. You’re allowed to be intentional with your energy, your emotions, and your presence in relationships.

For more on how childhood trauma shows up in adulthood (and why you may have learned to read the room so closely), read this post.

The Origins of Emotional Responsibility

Let’s take a deeper look at how emotional overfunctioning begins. Many of us were taught, either directly or indirectly, that we are responsible for other people’s feelings.

You might have heard things like:

• “Don’t upset your father.”

• “Be a good girl.”

• “You made your friend cry, go fix it.”

• “If you say that, people won’t like you.”

These messages, especially when repeated, send a clear signal: Other people’s emotions are your responsibility. If they’re upset, it’s your fault.

Over time, this can lead to an internalized belief that your role is to prevent discomfort, soothe everyone else, and be the emotional buffer in every room you enter.

But here’s the truth: we are each responsible for our own emotions. When we carry other people’s emotional loads, we often end up abandoning our own needs in order to prioritize people-pleasing.

The Toll It Takes: Anxiety, Guilt, and Self-Abandonment

Living without emotional boundaries doesn’t just make you tired, it creates deep emotional strain.

• Anxiety rises when you feel responsible for managing situations or emotions you can’t control. You might find yourself worrying constantly about whether someone is upset with you, replaying conversations, or bracing for imagined consequences.

• Guilt becomes the default when you say no, take space, or prioritize yourself. Even small boundaries can feel like you’re being “mean” or “uncaring.”

• Self-abandonment happens when you ignore your own feelings and needs in service of others. You might not even realize how disconnected from yourself you’ve become until burnout hits.

This emotional load isn’t sustainable. And it’s not your fault you’ve carried it—but you can learn to put it down. Learning how to set emotional boundaries helps you reconnect with your own truth instead of living in response to everyone else’s.

Why Boundaries Feel Selfish (But They’re Not)

If you’ve ever tried to set a boundary and immediately felt selfish, you’re not alone. That inner critic loves to chime in with things like:

• “It's just one more thing. I can do it.”

• “They’re going to be upset with me.”

• “You should be able to handle this.”

But emotional boundaries are not about rejecting others, they’re about honoring yourself.

Here’s a visual that can help: imagine each of us has our own place mat in life. Your job is to stay on your own place mat—tending to your feelings, energy, and needs. Other people have their own place mats, with their own emotions and responsibilities.

When we constantly walk over to someone else’s place mat, trying to manage or control what’s happening there, we’re crossing boundaries (even with good intentions). And when others try to step onto our mat, telling us how to feel or respond, they’re doing the same.

Boundaries aren’t barriers, They’re gentle guidelines that remind us where we end and someone else begins. They let us love people more freely, because we’re not carrying the weight of their emotional experiences.

And no, it’s not selfish to take care of yourself. In fact, it’s the only way to truly show up with integrity and presence in your relationships.

How Therapy Supports You in Untangling What’s Yours to Carry

Therapy is a powerful space for learning how to set emotional boundaries, not just in theory, but in practice.

A skilled therapist can help you:

• Identify old patterns of emotional overfunctioning

• Understand where those patterns came from (spoiler: you didn’t choose them, they helped you survive)

• Challenge the beliefs that tell you it’s your job to make sure everyone else is okay

• Practice boundary-setting language that feels natural and kind

• Build tolerance for the guilt and discomfort that may show up when you stop rescuing others

You’ll also learn how to sit with your own emotions—without pushing them away, minimizing them, or comparing them to someone else’s. This is what helps you begin to trust that your feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s.

And slowly, with support, you’ll start to feel a new sense of freedom. I’d love to support you in this work when you’re ready.

Reclaiming Your Energy: Learning to Stay With Yourself

When you’re no longer scanning the room for emotional shifts or bracing for someone else’s reactions, a beautiful thing happens: you come home to yourself.

You start to notice your own feelings without pushing them aside.
You take time to rest without apologizing for it.
You stop absorbing tension that doesn’t belong to you.
You feel more grounded in who you are (not who people need you to be!).

Staying with yourself is a practice. It doesn’t mean you stop caring about others. It just means you stop carrying what was never yours to hold in the first place.

Every time you choose to stay present with your own experience, you’re reinforcing your sense of self. You’re saying: I trust myself. I matter too.

This is the heart of how to set emotional boundaries. Not from a place of defensiveness, but from a place of deep self-connection and care.

Letting Go Doesn’t Mean Letting People Down

You can love people and not carry their emotional burdens.
You can show up and still say no.
You can support others without shrinking your own voice or needs.

Learning how to set emotional boundaries is not about becoming cold or distant, it’s about becoming whole. It’s about building relationships where you don’t have to perform or protect to be accepted.

If you’re ready to stop walking onto everyone else’s place mat and start staying on your own, therapy can help. You don’t have to untangle these patterns alone.

At Soulful Flow Counseling, we specialize in helping high-achieving women reconnect with their inner selves and build boundaries from a place of empowerment and compassion. If you’re in New York or Massachusetts, I’d love to support you in this work.

You deserve a life where you’re not always bracing, fixing, or managing. You deserve to rest, to feel, to be.

Reach out today to schedule a consultation and begin the journey of coming home to yourself.

Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice or mental health care. The content reflects general knowledge and opinion, not personalized treatment. Reading this blog does not create a therapeutic relationship. Please consult a licensed professional for support.